Here I am again trying to write about my crazy wonderful nutty storybook life, with caution, with care, and with love.
Every day I wake up and wonder what the day will bring. Since the universe set things in motion on this new path a few months ago, we have been given opportunities to explore new life experiences. Each hour of every day offers choices, challenges, and discoveries.
The morning may begin with an email or a phone call that oftentimes will gage where others are on the emotional scale of divorce. That scale is a seemingly never-ending rollercoaster of moods, continually changing, up and down, fluid, and inconsistent. We never know what emotion will be cast upon us or rise up in us like a cloudy shadow, sometimes with sunbeams radiating through, other times with torrential rains pouring down. The fluidity of feelings tosses us into murky depths, we rise to the surface, catch our breath, and are then are pulled under again by the turmoil of divorce. Sometimes we can rise above it, sometimes we cannot.
By midday we have figured out how to cope, what our emotional strategy is, and continue to take the high road of compassion, caring, and as much as possible–consistency. Some days are harder than others, depending on the circumstances. We breathe our way through the afternoon, working together to stay above the clouds, praying for them to release their inner turmoil, find inner peace, and for our own strength and serenity to help them get there.
Late afternoon into the dinner hour is a time of regrouping, a time to gather ourselves and make our way back into our bubble—the one that got us here to begin with. We talk endlessly about everything, continually trying to figure out how to manage the emotional chaos of divorce, of others’ unhappiness, and about our lives together. We laugh, we cry, we live, we love, in spite of our situation. We continue to move forward and feel compassionately for ourselves, and for everyone around us.
It’s very hard to reconcile the pain and the blame that is regularly thrown at us with feeling sad that we have hurt them. We want the hurting to stop, we want them to move forward with us, sometimes wondering if that is too much to ask, knowing that there is no other alternative. We have extended olive branches that have not been received, we have had to forgive and to not feel hurt by their words and actions. Sometimes it seems next to impossible to do, but we do it with little hesitation.
Not every day is like this, but many are. This time of change is hard, but is worth it now and in the long run. We are living a life that our hearts asked us to live. We are strong and we know that we will endure the trials of divorce. The path we are on is the one that beckons us to joy. The life we are creating now brings us love and laughter and helps those around us to heal and grow. We feel the love and we turn it up, every wondrous day.
