What a day. It started out something like this. Get up, make coffee, have breakfast with Mr. Someone Else, get online, read and reply to 50 emails, converse with Mr. Ex about kid, house, and divorce administration while decorating apartment, yoga, shower, get ready for job interview, go to job interview, shop for a shower curtain, come home, pour a glass of wine, get back online, balance checkbook, eat dinner, do laundry, relax. Not bad for a gal who is juggling a lot of chaotic, life changing balls at once.
This day was manageably hectic and full of surprises, like when I realized that my interview clothes were too big and I did not have a belt to wear so had to scramble for safety pins to cinch in the waist so they would not fall down. Or when I got a parking ticket after my meter expired during the meeting. When I got home I found two big boxes filled with treats from supportive relatives who sent care packages.
But nothing was as surprising as when Mr. Ex and I had a very pleasant conversation about our situation. He is very supportive of me starting my life over here, almost like he is trying to make up for the hurt that was caused during our marriage.
In fact, he actually cracked some jokes about my “bachelorette pad in a new town with lots to explore,” asked about Mr. Someone Else’s bruised rib from helping me move, and rolled his eyes saying he could tell him a few things about living with me. I’d say that made for some pretty good banter as we are trying to move forward with our lives.
We also had a more serious discussion about where we are emotionally at this stage of our separation and impending divorce. Mr. Ex said he could not really grieve the loss of our marriage while he is so worried about trying to find a job. He is also working hard taking care of the children, and it’s going well. He finally understands what it’s like to fully care for three boys, one with special needs, manage a house that is on the market, cook, clean, pay bills, shop, run household errands, be a taxi service for the kids, and try to keep smiling in the process.
When Mr. Ex and I were married and living together, I felt like I was doing everything alone, Mr. Ex was not there emotionally–we had a mammoth disconnect. Now we have a physical separation, a few hundred miles away, and while we are each “alone” in our endeavors, we are emotionally doing better “together.”
There have been some moments of long distance discord while trying to work through the logistics of our divorce, but overall we each have a better understanding of what our roles have been and what they are going to be. I am optimistic that we can continue to work through whatever emotional downs present themselves along the way.
Sure I have to compartmentalize that neither of us have a job and his severance has run out, that I’m temporarily mothering my children a few hours away, that there are some technicalities that need to be worked through before we’re all settled. But I embrace each day that is filled with surprises, pleasant exchanges with my future ex, and delightful experiences in my life here. I read somewhere that all endings are happy endings. It’s just a matter of staying with the story long enough.
